Especially those of you who have kids with behavioral or mental health issues.... how do you help acclimate those adults who are not trained professionals? Some adults (particularly those with lots of "kid" experience and no control issues) deal with them in very positive and appropriate ways, while others get frustrated when the kids in question don't act like "normal" kids. This really aggravates me... obviously the kid is working as best they can within their ability to have socially appropriate behavior - how do you help other adults understand what "normal" is for your kid?
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Re: How do you help/teach others to interact with your kids?
Sat, March 29, 2008 - 1:16 PMWhat kind of a question is that to be posting at 11.24pm?? You obviously had a bad day!!
I have a child with autistic spectrum disorder, severe communication difficulties and sensory differences.
Interactions usually go like this..... He looks completely normal. Then you would begin to see 'unusual' behaviour such as repeating TV commercials to himself, or giggling to himself etc. Then they might try to talk to him and he would appear deaf. Then they move away. He really is quite high functioning, but I think it is about peoples conceptions when they meet you. When they begin to notice something is different they don't know what to do or how to behave themselves, or they are unaware that they have difficulties and are judgemental about their behaviourt.
So far my son doesn't show alot of inappropriate behaviour. But he can have tantrums in public places. And people like to stare. No-one has ever said something to me yet, and I would give them a mouthful if they did and send them packing with their tail between their legs. How dare they!
Because of sensory difficulties I never go out of the house without his Irlen glasses, DIY ear defenders (to screen out noise) and something he can hold to fiddle with. So I think he does look like 'maybe there's something up with this kid', which sort of gives a warning to people. I think that is useful, otherwise their expectations are too high. On the other hand I have had professionals advice me that I should be starting to wean him off these supports because they make him 'look different'. But I think a blind person looks different with a white cane, but I would never suggest they get rid of it because it makes them look different, and then watch them stagger headlong into traffic. So I would say that if there is something that helps your son cope in social interactions to let him have that support. It might just be something he keeps in his pocket that he can fiddle with.
If it is someone who is going to have regular contact with your child then some information is going to be useful. But I know myself that I have reservations about telling people of his diagnosis. And even if I do tell them what will that mean to them. How can you condense all the information you have into a short note??
I suppose I tend to tell people what might be problems for him if he is going to a friends house for example. But it can all be very hit and miss.
You would have to specifically think about what the issues are with your child and who it is that they are interacting with. Carrying some kind of card could be useful in emergencies. For example I know some autistic people carry a card saying what their diagnosis is and who should be contacted if they are found in an upset/anxious state.
I don't know how old your child is, but I found 'Play Therapy' very helpful. But you have to find a Play Therapist who is willing to work with your child 'because of their diagnosis' and not because they have some kind of 'emotional trauma that needs working on'. I found a Play Therapist who works with groups of ASD children to give them positive outcomes of social interaction and to help them improve their social interaction skills. Since going to these sessions his ability to interact with adults and children has much improved and he actually wants to play with people.
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Re: How do you help/teach others to interact with your kids?
Sat, March 29, 2008 - 1:38 PMI've just read through my post and realised I haven't answered your question. Do what you can to help your child cope in social situations. But you can't do much about other people. They usually fall into two categories. Those that pick up on their differences and are understanding and accommodating and those that are blind and judgemental and unaccepting of anything other than the norms of social behaviour. You really can do without the latter. Don't waste your time and energy on people who are not worth it. None of us have the time or energy to go on a worldwide crusade. There are good people out there. Try and get your child into groups and social support structures that recognise his difficulties. -
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Re: How do you help/teach others to interact with your kids?
Sat, March 29, 2008 - 3:47 PMMy big problem is/has been a new adult addition to the family who gets frustrated with the fact that my (aspie) son does not accept redirection well when frustrated/upset/etc. The adult perceives this as disrespect (which does happen at times, but not the norm) even though I have tried to explain how my son gets "stuck" sometimes.
Both my kids are special needs but "look normal". I agree that they definitely get much less slack because of that, but have both made progress in their respective programs over the years. Most people that can't deal... well, we avoid them when we can and deal with them when we must. The adult has expressed an interest in learning how to deal, but short of handing him some rather boring reading material or repeating myself 100 times I really don't know what else to do. -
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Re: How do you help/teach others to interact with your kids?
Sun, March 30, 2008 - 3:35 AMYes, I have the very same problem. People trying to 'tell' or 'show' my son that he is doing something the wrong way or has misunderstood what he should be doing is usually met with anger/frustration/tears on his part. That is misinterpretated as bad behaviour towards the adult when it is not at all. When this happens my son needs time out to calm down, and then you can talk through what happened later. This works. But others seem to think in some way he has 'got away with it'. But when they are upset/confused because they have been told they've 'got it wrong again', the worst thing to do is try to get talk to them or touch them. I have seen other articles by adults with AS saying that they are afraid that, for example, if a policeman were to find them in a distressed state and try to talk or touch them, they might retaliate and hit the policeman. I know this situation happens often in school because teachers haven't been shown the best way to help redirect these children. I have found that my son is usually quite able to tell me how best to help him in these situations. All you can do is make it very clear (in writing) to places like school what they should do in situations like this, and then if they don't use it and something happens you can point it out to them.
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